Why I Run


Well I've done it again, totally abandoned my blog... not on purpose but life has completely distracted me.

 If you happen to follow me on Facebook or Instagram then you'll know that my life has done a complete 180. I am getting a divorce.

My husband & I have decided that it is time to end our nearly decade long relationship. Sure I could get into details, but I won't, I'll leave it at this; we have both changed. We started dating at 19 & got married at 24. Maybe that's young, but at the time it seemed right. I have no regrets in getting married young, or moving out to Las Vegas, or being married to a cop. All these things have made me who I am & changed me, as well as changed him. So we are doing what we can to end our marriage amicably. It's hard but this quote seems to sum it up rather well:

Image Source

 In light of the difficult past couple months I have endured I've been told a lot that I am an inspiration, or "I don't know how you do it." Well truth be told I don't know either. I have horrible crying my eyes out moments, those thankfully are becoming fewer & fewer. I just have to continue moving forward. Falling apart just isn't an option. I will say one thing chocolate & I have become very good friends again. We too will have to break up soon.

After the miscarriage I think a lot came to light for us. Things just started to unravel & honestly that's okay. We had a day of honest conversation & came to the agreement that ending the marriage would be for the best. It would allow both of us to be happy again. 

So how am I doing this? I have no freaking idea. I have bad very bad days. But then there are days were I am okay. Yes, it hurts, yes sometimes I feel like a failure. Who the hell wants to get a divorce? Who wants to have to start life all over again. But it's my reality & I have to grab that reality & run with it. Embrace the pain & the knot in my throat & do what is best for me. I deserve to be happy, to feel loved, he does too. Don't get me wrong there are days I want to be nasty & cry all day & have a pity party but that won't do me a damn bit of good. I have to live with my decisions & my actions. So keeping it all civil is the best way to do this.

So I run & I pack & I plan & I hug Stella a lot. 

Now is a good time to share why I run. I run because two years ago my marriage was in turmoil, we separated, we ended up working things out. But I ran to rediscover myself, I had done a half marathon before the separation. It was fun, it was magical. It was motivating. 

Then right before the Tink Half happened life took a turn. I was one of the lucky ones invited to the Tink Half Disney Parks Blog Meet-up. That's where I first learned of Sparkle Athletic, met Lori from the Mom's Panel & realized that I was a tough, kick ass woman. I drove four hours to California, ran a half marathon, spent time in the parks alone, spent some time with my family & then drove four hours back to Vegas. I loved doing that for myself. 

So I kept running. I kept signing up for half marathons, all runDisney. I needed magic & pixie dust in my life. It kept me going. We more or less saved our marriage. Things were good. I became a better more confident person. Moving 2000+ miles away from family & friends & not having a job I was proud of destroyed my self-esteem. But running allowed me to rebuild myself. 

Running still allows me that. It has helped me through depression (which became rather severe), it has helped me with my miscarriage & it's helping me with my divorce. And on a daily non troubling day it just makes me feel like me & makes me feel GOOD! Who would of thought the girl who never ran would become such a runner? 

So in light of everything I decided to contact runDisney & share my whyI runDisney story, here is what I submitted:

"I runDisney because it gives me freedom, health & mental clarity. I runDisney because it has helped me recover from a miscarriage & divorce. I runDisney because it has introduced me to amazing men & women, many of whom have become my best friends. I runDisney because it allows me to have a creative costuming outlet because Halloween only happens once a year. I runDisney because it has become "my thing" & I have inspired others to start running. I runDisney because I never ran before & to date I have completed 8 half marathons. I runDisney because it has allowed me to find myself no matter what I am going through. I runDisney because I love to runDisney."

My story will probably not get picked up, but I finally had the courage to share it. It's scary to put yourself out there. But it can also be rewarding. 

So now I am putting my life back together. I will eventually move out of Las Vegas & head back to my home state. I long for four seasons & family & friends & Vernors & professional sports teams &  life, life lived my way. 

So that's what I plan on doing. Live life my way...

Stay tuned because right now my life sounds a lot like the first chapter of a chick lit novel.

2 comments:

  1. I love you and I am so proud of you. Through the good and the bad, you are so strong. I can't wait to see what living life your way will bring. I am sure it will be so much happiness and amazing things. Good things are coming for you, if only you believe :)

    ReplyDelete